Committee In My Head

Eleven Now

2011-08-04T10:27:00.002-05:00

Eleven now, your weight falls hard

to deck-boards, sponging sunlight.

To grass for love of balls that jump

too high and roll too far.

And I slow down to kneel, to bend,

remembering with fingertips

the velvet of your puppy ears

and how they've never changed.

And I slow down in thanks for grace

in the form of a million tail-wags,

and greetings after longish days

and kisses undeserved.

Eleven now; I too slow down,

determined that when we look back,

you'll know I loved you well enough

to last eleven more.

The Empty Bath

2010-09-28T14:13:00.008-05:00

Eating lunch this afternoon, I looked out the kitchen window to find a baby bluebird perched on the edge of the garden bath. My tiny nugget of garden time shrinks in the fall, so no surprise that recent rains had evaporated, leaving in the bath a brownish crust spattered with bright yellow field flowers. (Eva flings her treasures about with brilliant nonchalance).

Most birds see an empty bath and promptly fly away in search of another water source; I've seen this often, jotting a quick mental note about better bath-filling habits. With mom and dad bluebird waiting in the nearby pine, flapping their obvious disapproval, I was sure this would be another fly-away.

Not this bird though... Perhaps it was her youth; a naive, yet undeterred anticipation of provision - or perhaps she was simply very thirsty. But this baby just sat, and sat... and sat. In fact, you could say... she waited.

Through the years, my walk with Christ has, at times, reminded me of this picture: feeling as if I am sitting near an 'empty bath'. When prayer is dry, study shallow, connection rare, how often have I 'flown away' in search of another source? Such searches never satisfy though.

Perhaps I will take a cue from the baby bird whose tender anticipation made her sure that if she waited long enough, she'd be supplied with more than enough water to drink, and to cleanse her baby-fluff wings.

After all, she was right in anticipating; how could I resist for even five minutes? And if my heart is moved by the visit of a baby bluebird to an empty bath, what must be the heart of my Heavenly Father for his daughter who also, at times, gets thirsty and needs a 'bath'? I too will wait.

Motherhood: My First Year

2009-05-10T13:15:00.006-05:00

My amazing Mother's Day present, from a husband who somehow miraculously continues to out-do himself in the area of gift-giving. I am humbled and so very, very grateful for him, our precious daughter, and the Beautiful One who saw fit to make us a family.

8 Months Home

2009-03-17T13:07:00.009-05:00

My sweet girl... how you've grown!

July 10, 2008 - Homecoming

March, 2009

Tagged

2009-03-14T15:42:00.007-05:00

Thanks to Bill for remembering that I used to blog! ;-) I have been granted the gift of an hour for introvert time. Any kind of writing is better than the none I've been doing, so I will answer this tag...

Here is how it works:

Step 1: Respond and rework — answer the questions on your own blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, add one more question of your own.

Step 2: If all your blog readers have given up waiting for new posts, and your most faithful readers have now converted to Facebookism, just tag everyone who happens upon your post and be glad for what you get. :-)

1) What are you wearing right now?
Hey - what kind of tag is this anyway? My reindeer robe. That's right. Got a problem with that?? This is what I wear when I'm sure I won't be seeing any other (non-Rankin) humans until I have time to change. UPS guys and spontaneous friends: beware!

2) What is your biggest fear?
Oh so serious! Actually, this one might be morphing... It's been singing solos since I was 13; about time for a change, yes? How about a more sophisticated, adult-like, (and equally senseless) fear like: my child might one day declare herself a democrat. Oops! Did I just admit that? I hate it when people use these things as a free therapy session...

3) Do you nap a lot?
Um, please excuse me; it's time for my nap now. "Nap hard. Nap often." That's what I always say.

4) What are your favorite places to visit on a nice day?
Sorry, Bill; I'm reinstating the first question because my answer to your 'Favorite thing to cook on a grill?' is "Cook? Grill?" ;-) Perch Lake is my favorite place to visit on a beautiful day. Stately white pines stand in rows as strong, kind and watchful sentinels, reminding me of the sacredness of Grandma's house. Whispering sweet secrets to my soul as I float carefree in the deepest waters of the middle of the crystalline lake. Amazingly, this isn't embellishing.

5) What was the last item you bought?
A strawberry mango Tropicana and two pieces of pizza: (one, ham and pineapple; the other, pepperoni and veggie), for Eva and me before enjoying Underwater World at MOA last night.

6) What’s the last book you read?
A Slobbering Love Affair: The True (and Pathetic) Story of the Torrid Romance Between Barack Obama and the Mainstream Media. Told you so. I also love How to Keep Your Inner Mess from Trashing Your Outer World, by Bill Giovannetti. Check it out! (Don't let my first choice scare you; my reading taste is quite diverse - I read Obama's 'Audacity of Hope' this time last year).

7 ) If you could go to the Oscars, who would you want to sit next to?
This is the one I'm skipping... I would never, ever, ever want to go to the oscars. Not because of reverse snobbishness - but because even the thought of high-profile conferences/social events where they don't judge everyone for what they're wearing or how they do their hair are enough to give me hives.

8) Instead: Have you ever had the experience of lucidly teaching yourself how to fly in your dreams, as described in 'The Shack'?
I hadn't known there were others, and am now obsessively curious about how many of us there are...

9) Has a celebrity’s hair cut ever influenced your own hairstyle?
Oh yeah. I regularly fluctuate between between Jennifer Anniston's layered look and Audrey Tautou in 'Amelie'.

10) What is one skill you wish you had, but don’t?
I have to agree with Bill here. Dancing. Hands down - same fundamentalist upbringing to blame. I especially crave this gift when watching Bollywood films.

11) If you were certain of getting an immediate, verbal, answer from Jesus, what would you ask Him?
This is my question... but I haven't a clue what my answer is yet. Maybe something about my nose... "Was that on purpose?" ;-)

Girl's Night In

2009-01-24T21:07:00.004-06:00

My husband is so very good to me...

Gratitude

2008-12-30T13:25:00.003-06:00

As Eva and I sat down to our ham lunch today, I decided to use the moment as a teaching opportunity:

ME: (Pointing to the ham on her plate), Eva, do you know what kind of animal that is?
EVA: Umm... Chicken?
ME: Nuh uh.
EVA: Umm... Cow?
ME: Nope - a PIG! (Snorting sounds ensue).
EVA: Thank you, Pig!

Ah, gratitude...

The Weight of Good

2008-12-09T17:06:00.007-06:00

Today: the day we've been waiting for. For 3+ years in one way, for 12 years in another way... for what has seemed to us a very, very, very long time. Today, in a court hearing to finalize Eva's adoption, legally conveyed on Eva were all rights and benefits of a daughter born to us. And on us, all the responsibilities of a birth parent.

Of course, we needed no court to tell us she is our daughter, or we her parents; our hearts tell us these things. But there is a beautiful finality in having this good, right, God-ordained relationship recognized also by the laws and government of our land.

There is a certain weight to the best gifts God gives us. Like holding a piece of jewelry that is truly gold - or a vase that is truly crystal. You know that it represents something true and valuable. In its earthly endurance, it hints at something of eternity; something that is truly lasting. All of us have received such gifts, perhaps in different measures.

What astounds me is the ordinariness of the days in which these gifts pass into our hands. Today is just a Tuesday. Just another 24 hour period in temporary earthly lives that could maybe last 70 years or so. But gifts like these spark the mundane like sunlight on a breeze-swept lake. What an amazing paradox God has created - that things which speak of eternity enter in so naturally here, bringing joy and hope to a temporary world. Still, the gift of this child: only a glimpse of the weight of His greatest Gift.

Jesus: the weightiest gift of eternity bestowed on those who, in body, are perishing. And the day of His birth - was it an ordinary Tuesday? - another 24 hour period. But how long, how long, had the world awaited His coming. And how long we wait still - for the fulfillment of that coming. It makes me look harder, watch more intently. Eternity will reach again into this dying place. (Actually, He dwells here among us even now - God in our place). May all of us be ready and reaching back. Come, Lord Jesus.

12 Steps To Save The Day

2008-11-20T20:37:00.014-06:00

1. Before you can save the day, it has to be in a steep downward spiral. Nothing says potential like leaving a full container of Vaseline on your toddler's bedside table.

2. In middle of night, find toddler's bed, carpet, bedside table - AND HAIR - full of petroleum-based (non-water-soluble) Vaseline.

3. Return to bed and leave mess till morning. Be sure to set alarm earlier.

4. Rise early and throw toddler in bath. Wash hair multiple times making no dent in said Vaseline.

5. Rush child to daycare prior to work. Resist temptation to care that everyone she comes in contact with will think you haven't washed her hair in a month.

6. Enlist hubby to research Vaseline removal, and purchase needed removal supplies: (cornstarch, coke, eggs, peanut butter, Dawn, Tide, etc.)

7. Return home to find 7 web articles on Vaseline removal; at least one recommending shaving child's hair off.

8. Notice bottle of Goo-Gone as you grab the 409 to clean countertops.

9. Notice bottle of Goo-Gone has warning that it contains petroleum distillate. Hmmm... Lightbulb moment!

10. Spray Goo-Gone on paper towel and carefully apply to hair (not skin) of devilishly/angelically laughing/screaming child.

11. Rinse hair with Pantene Clarifying Shampoo and blow dry.

12. Presto-chango! Petroleum hair, schmetroleum hair. The day (and imminent 4th b-day pictures) is saved!!

Birthday Girl

2008-11-14T16:33:00.007-06:00

Sometimes, with all the partying around here, it can get a little hard to tell who the 'Birthday Girl' really is. I'm just sayin'...

Love At First Snow

2008-11-08T08:46:00.004-06:00

The Condensed Version

2008-09-23T19:44:00.003-05:00

Each morning, first thing on the agenda is a Bible story with Eva - and a quick prayer. 'The Beginner's Bible' we have for toddlers is wonderful, but still a little involved for one so new to English. Lately, I've been thankful - and somewhat amused - at how easily we're able to translate Bible stories into Eva-digestible condensed versions. Here are a few examples; maybe you'll even be able to guess which stories they are...

1. Naughty snake; bad apple.
2. Big boat; two elephants; raining, raining.
3. Jacob sneaky; Esau hairy.
4. Baby hiding; water, basket.
5. Bush, HOT! God talking.
6. Hitting rock; water out!
7. Loud trumpets; wall falling!
8. Naomi crying, Boaz kissing.
9. David's rocks; mean giant fall down.
10. Lions grrrrrr; no bite!

Her First Day...

2008-09-22T19:13:00.008-05:00

A letter from Eva's first day of 'day care':

E&V-

We are having a wonderful day. Eva is so smart, and fun. We have been reading books and doing activities about colors, letters, and shapes. I'm so surprised and thrilled about all the letters she already knows. She picked out an "E" and an "M" and an "A" for me today. She also correctly identified something yellow! I get a huge kick out of every shape being a "triangle!" Her vocabulary has increased so much since last week already. She loved music time, and really liked the song where we included everyone's name.

I can't believe how well she does at waiting for the whole group before we go outside, and already she is understanding the concept of turn-taking. (She's not always ready to DO it however, which is very typical for a three-year-old!) She is definitely checking me out for boundaries, looking at me when she does something she is not sure about, or looking to see if she can get away with something when I have told her "no". I love that she is getting comfortable enough to do that! She does listen VERY well when I reaffirm the boundary and redirect her.

I don't need to tell you that she has this amazing energy. She makes everyone around her smile. She is extremely likable, and all the girls are making deals about whose turn it is to sit by her.

She asks about you some, and loves to know the schedule leading up to your return. She has been showing everyone your picture all day. She speaks of you both with such love and enthusiasm.

Eva is awesome at cleaning up, and wanting to help.

I absolutely love your daughter! Thanks so much for letting me be a part of her life. I feel so blessed to have her here twice a week. She truly is amazing.

-inthestory-

T... what a precious friendship; what an amazing gift. Thank you for loving our daughter and so eagerly taking on this key role in her little life. She is so precious to us - and we are truly happy that she is with you during these times each week. We're finally here and God has so obviously done this! We love you and are full of gratitude...

In the Moment, Over Time

2008-09-10T20:11:00.007-05:00

Ever have one of those life 'moments' where you get a glimpse of where you are - and, with it, where you've come from seems less important, serving only to magnify the beauty of the moment you're in? Today is one of those days for me. In this moment, I am aware of the following things:

1. There is much to be thankful for.
2. Precious few things are worthy of fear.
3. Love covers over a whole bunch of crap.
4. Time heals deep hurt.
5. Grace is afoot.
6. Joy comes with wanting what we have.
7. In God, nothing is wasted.
8. The good stuff is just a taste of what's possible.
9. Thank God He doesn't always give us what we think we want.
10. The Peace to come might look different than what we thought.

'Papa Enday'

2008-08-12T20:51:00.003-05:00

Do you remember, as a kid, asking your parents, "Is it gonna be alright?" I do... in fact, I've been known to ask my husband that periodically during our 12 years of marriage. There's something about it - just hearing someone you love and respect say that it's going to be alright. It's calming, reassuring...

Today was 'day 2' of Ed back at work - 12 hour days for Eva and me to navigate. We're off to a wonderful start, her attachment to both of us building and evening out. And when 'Papa' comes home, there is quite the celebration. Hooting and hollering and a mad dash for the door; my cautious arms extended to keep her from rushing into the garage before the car engine halts. I love the security she's finding in her daddy; she calls him "Papa Enday": 'my daddy', in Malayalam. His presence is the answer to the question she can't yet ask us verbally: "Is it gonna be alright?"

The anticipation and joy with which she runs to him at the end of the day has me thinking about where I run. There are so many options, you know? Movies and Perch Lake are a couple of favorites for me. Sometimes close girlfriends, sometimes my husband. And there's nothing wrong with enjoying any of these... even, I think, in finding some comfort in them. But what's my bottom line - my true Refuge? Movies are shallow satisfaction; Perch Lake could someday close, or (worse) banish flotation devices. Human relationships, even the closest ones, are guaranteed an earthly end.

It sounds trite - and if you're a Christ-follower, you've heard it a million times. But it's starting to sink in in a new way for me that God - and His Word - are truly my Refuge. That when it comes my turn to answer the question, "Yes, my baby girl, everything will be okay..." I will say that, not because I have power to cure all her hurts and questions, or control over the circumstances of her life... but because I know that my 'Papa Enday' is good. That, in Christ, her heart can be safe for always and forever, no matter what.

And, for me, being able to say that - and knowing to Whom I run - feels like what it feels like to be a mom.

Making the Cut

2008-08-07T14:33:00.003-05:00

A child's play scissors
should not be sharp to cut hair!
Clippings on the floor...

Served up with a smile
in a blue, plastic fry pan.
Black spaghetti. Mmmmm...

P.S. Thanks for all the super play ideas; top two still under consideration... :-)

101 Ways To Have Fun!

2008-07-28T17:29:00.002-05:00

For anyone who's wondering how these first couple weeks have gone, let it be known: we are having an absolute blast! Each day is a somewhat spontaneous compilation of house time and activity time, going and coming home, going and coming home - learning that home is the place we always land. We've seen many good friends at least once, and a few, two or three times. We've been to multiple lakes to swim, and multiple parks, and Como Zoo, and Giggle Factory. We've been to church and a restaurant, and Gramma's house... Still planning to do the Childrens' Museum and maybe a water park in the next 2 weeks.

Two weeks from today, Ed goes back to work and our days will change significantly. Ironic for an introvert, I find myself craving people and activity during this transition time. The thought of 12 hour days at home without some kind of fun activity to break up the day (especially without Ed) seems crazy to me - Eva is a very active girl!

So... what I'm looking for via this blog post is a list of about 20 or 30 fun kid-oriented activities. Summer, winter (especially), indoor, outdoor, home or away. What are your top two or three FAVORITE activities to do with toddlers during the day? Give specifics - names, locations, good times to go, etc. Let me be clear: we're NOT bored; just looking to expand the repertoire in prep for Papa's return to work...

We'll do this similar to how the recipe post went down previously... The first 2 activities our family decides to do, the suggestioners (I know - making up words) may very well get a call to see if they're available to join us... So - think hard: if everyone out there comes up with two or three ideas, maybe we can brainstorm our way to 101 ways to have fun (with toddlers)! :-)

Things I Love About Motherhood

2008-07-24T21:32:00.004-05:00

In no particular order...

-Tickling and cuddling.
-Peeking in her room while she's asleep.
-Rocking and singing before nap and bed.
-When she discovers something new, points, and starts teaching us about it.
-Eating healthier, and more frequently.
-Toweling off after her bath-time.
-Discovering Ed is a 'natural' at fatherhood. Watching him lead.
-The joy of surprise when she says a new word.
-Feeling balanced and happy at a time I expected chaos.
-Feeding her a bottle of warm milk after her nap.
-More intentional daily structure. (Feeling more rooted to reality).
-Watching her fears melt away.
-Accomplishing housework. (I know - weird).
-Pretending to put make-up on her, to appease her.
-Watching her run to show Daddy a new outfit or piece of jewelry.
-Doing things with increased sense of purpose and intentionality.
-Dora the Explorer bubble bath.
-Her singing in the carseat, in Malayalam (she needs no radio).
-The little thing she does with her lips on my neck when I rock her before bed.
-Watching as her defenses go down around friends and family.

Prior to our traveling, so many reminded us to cherish every moment. So far, that has been very, very easy... Thank you is not a big enough word for all the prayers, love and support you all have lavished on us. Please know that it's all been so very fruitful...

Thanks for your patience with the blog posts (or lack thereof). I often need to choose between naps and blogging - and naps are winning out so far. :-)

Snehum = Love

2008-07-08T05:52:00.005-05:00

The 'Delhi Belly' is subsiding and 'Mummi' is back on line... :-) Ed has been so wonderfully faithful with updates so I'll just catch up from where he's left off. We (Ed, Prathibha and I) just returned from our third and final visit to the embassy where we picked up her completed passport and visa, and the sealed envelope we will give to US CIS at the MSP airport. Surprisingly, some of the sweetest words we have ever heard came to us at the embassy where we first heard, "Everything is in order - you are good to go." And then, "Congratulations - we understand how long you have waited and all you've gone through to get to this point. We commend you for your patience and wish all the best to your new family." (Or something very similar to that). I tried not to cry. :-)

There is no exaggerating the beauty, sweetness and humor of our sweet Prathibha. Ed has already described so eloquently, but I will add some of my own perceptions about her, and our first days together:

1. She is strong and resilient, as evidenced by her embracing us as her parents, and handling all the ups and downs of this travel with courage and patience. I am truly in awe of how calm and good-natured she has been.

2. She loves men, in general, (often smiles and reaches out to them) and her Papa in particular. :-) He is the center of her world right now. This has shifted since the first couple days of our meeting and being together and may have had something to do with my being down and out while sick - though I did my best to connect during that time. We've been well prepared for the fact that it's common for children to connect most strongly with one parent or the other at first though, and this makes sense since a parenting and family dynamic is a completely new concept. I am thankful she is finding comfort in her Papa, thankful that she allows me to be part of that when she's in a happy mood, and knowing that this is part of a natural progression in our family's relational development. In the meantime, Papa needing to take a potty break can be a somewhat traumatic event. I told him, "Fame comes with a price." ;-)

3. Communication has not been a major issue. Either because of context, or our limited understanding of Malayalam (and of course, her intelligence), we have had no major incidents of her asking for something where we don't know how to provide what she needs. To me, this is completely amazing. Though we've heard her vocabulary in Malayalam is not large, we've sensed that she is highly intelligent and able to make some relatively complicated connections.

4. Prathibha has a very sweet, cuddly side - in general, but especially prior to nap and bed time. She loves to be tickled and nuzzled, and soaks in affection like a sponge.

5. There's a dog here - she's gone from screaming at it to, more recently, wimpering and half smiling at it. We think she's going to be fine once she gets used to Guff and Duncan... (Just now, Ed and P were outside - she saw the dog, pointed and smiled, and said 'Padi' - dog in Malayalam). :-)

A million more 'first' observations. She doesn't love baths (this will get better when we're not dumping water on her head). She has a thing for powder... we learned that this is because Deepa, her favorite caregiver, made a game of making designs of powder and water on her face - we're honored that Prathibha would desire to share this intimate tradition with us. She's 'girly' - loves bracelets, necklaces, brushing her hair - all that stuff - mummi and papa are in full support. :-) SO many more things... I am treasuring up each new moment of learning her, her needs and rhythms and heart. What a sweet time.

We finally learned to say her name right. PRAH-tee-pah. Same emphasis as 'Powderpuff', with a slight roll to the 'R'. We've only been using this name so far... it's so beautiful. Plus, if there's any sense, on her part, that something is being taken from her in these days so soon after we've brought her away from all she knows, it seems right to honor her name here. Perhaps when we're home, we'll move more into 'Eva Prathibha', then to 'Eva'. We're 'just feelin' that one...

Today we celebrate. We have the papers now - it's official. Tomorrow we head home to begin a brand new life together in WI. It's hard to express how much we've cherished every email and comment from all of you. Thank you for all your support and prayers and love. Snehum to you all. Snehum all around... :-)

Seeing You

2008-06-29T08:50:00.005-05:00

"One gets only a day or two in an entire life as incredible as the day we first saw your face."

-Nancy McGuire Roche, adoptive parent, excerpted from a book of quotes about adoption-

(Thanks, Sofi).

Here We Go!

2008-06-27T22:55:00.007-05:00

Seventeen years have passed since that warm summer evening to remember. We were kids, Ed and I - and not old enough to have learned that yet. We were young, in love (seriously), and eager for a Selma's ice cream cone to cap off the evening.

On our way, through the driver's side window as we cruised through Afton, the sun was setting through thick fog covering a wood-lined hayfield. Its glow sank in a hazy blur of purplepink. It was pure magic. And because we loved beauty, and because we loved metaphors, and because we were young and in love, we stopped the car.

In Faith, Through Thick Fog

Two kids hopped the fence
and, in total innocence,
ran without seeing.

Just because we could.
Just because it meant we would
run together through...

Life - no matter what.
Other side of fences "shut",
and smile, victorious.

Knowing, even then,
Someday, we would run again
in faith, through thick fog.

Here's to the sweet unfolding of another metaphor, part of the larger Story.

Pray if you do, as we 'run'... Thank you.

See you soon, as a family of 3! :-)

-1 Corinthians 13:12-13, The Message-

"We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing Him directly just as He knows us! But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love."

"You've Got To Be Kidding Me..."

2008-06-17T14:39:00.002-05:00

Okay - maybe we're a little biased, but pretty sure she is the absolute most adorable thing we've ever laid eyes on...

-E & V-

Time to Fly

2008-06-16T21:09:00.004-05:00

June twenty-ninth: we
leave to pick our daughter up.
July 10th, we're home.

July 3rd is huge;
things will never be the same.
That day, we hold her.

What words can we say
that will calm her wide-eyed heart?
"'Sarumillya', Love"

Nesting: in progress,
but it's almost time to fly.
Waiting has an end.

The Fullness of Time

2008-05-24T09:49:00.010-05:00

I can feel the miracle of the knitting-together of you,
in a secret place beyond myself -
where science can't define, nor moral judge.

No act of man and woman overshadowed
the fruit of dreams and prayers all intermingled,
stitching what is permanent; not flesh, but love of you.

The kick of you is felt a world away -
no swelling of a breast, but of our hearts.
Emerges, the awareness of His forming
in these moments where a new forever starts.

(By -V-, 8/23/07 - the first day I 'knew' without knowing).

And so it is that our full-blooming tulips truly do announce the long-anticipated assurance that Eva is, indeed, our precious daughter. We have been granted guardianship and are planning travel within the month! We received the news on the 22nd (Ed's b-day) - we believe God has done all of this, and we celebrate with full hearts. And because we've been in the midst of what He's doing, we've been witness to pieces of HOW He's worked; I view it as my joy, and my job, to testify in what I know of His amazing work:

1. Weeks ago, as I prepared for Ed's b-day party scheduled for yesterday (with 30+ family and friends), I simply prayed that we'd be able to announce the good news at that time.

2. Sunday the 18th, a sister was compelled to seek prayer with a prayer minister at the front of their church. Together, in tears, they cried out to God to remove any remaining obstacles and, specifically, to bring Eva home by this time next month.

3. Monday the 19th, an aunt called my mother to share that she had had a dream about Eva - she and I happy, together, on a blanket. She woke with assurance that it would be soon, and shared that with my mom.

4. Monday, a dear friend's heart was led - she dropped to her knees in prayer to ask that Ed and I would receive the assurance of Eva's coming home by his birthday (the 22nd).

5. Monday, another dear friend began having dreams about Eva and me which recurred through Wednesday. She called me Thursday (before we announced) to share this - and it was all I could do to keep the secret till our announcement yesterday!

6. Another friend shared that she was 'distracted' with prayer on behalf of us, and Eva this past week. That she was called to especially pray for the remaining paperwork to wrap up - for the success of angels to intervene in a situation we could not control. Her faith (and ours) was strengthened as we got the news in response to these specific prayers.

7. Tuesday, I shared our story with a Christian friend on my business trip who promised to pray for us - and to add us to his church's prayer list.

8. Wednesday, as I returned from AZ on a business trip, I read a chapter on emotional needs in an adoption book I've been reading. Eva's soon coming-home was impressed on my heart as I could clearly see in this chapter ways He's shaped, not just these past few years, but our lives and marriage, to be the parents of this precious girl. Her homecoming ceased to be a question for me on that plane ride home.

9. Many close friends 'knew' in a way you can know without knowing that the time was imminent - the 'feel' of the waiting had changed.

10. As Ed got the call on his cell phone Thursday (his b-day), he knew what the call was for before being told. As he called to share the news with me, the weight of so MANY years of waiting lifted off me and I cannot even describe (outside of hyperventilating from crying too hard) what that feels like.

I could write books on all He's done throughout this process of waiting. So much of it good, so much of it, honestly, tough. Worth it all? Absolutely - every step. But a journey that, (as on all faith journeys), can get tiring and confusing - with limited 'visibility'. As we celebrate, there are still others who wait. Some waits have been even longer than ours, and my heart goes out to them with deep compassion. If you know someone in this place, please pray for them whole-heartedly as you have prayed for us. Please support, encourage, and listen - as you've done for us. And, though it is only an attempt to graciously relate, please avoid informing them of the other couple you know whose adoption process was complete in 3 weeks... or advising them that domestic adoption is much easier, when they have chosen international. Sure, they're strong - they can handle it... but, despite all good intentions, not everything (seemingly) relative is beneficial.

As we celebrate this peak point, we are, simultaneously, aware that in the grand scheme, this is a beginning of another long journey of faith that may require even more patience, strength, and trust. Parenthood is not for wimps, as they say. In coming months, we too, will need your grace, patience and continued support in prayer and encouragement. Thank you for being our community and family.

That's about all, I think. We'll let you know travel dates when we know them - but blogging will thin out for awhile from here. SO much to prepare! Once we return, I'll try to do at least weekly updates on our family's transition. Blessings on you all and thanks for reading!

P.S. The title of the poem above (written exactly 9 months prior to this week's announcement - and recorded and dated, in pen, in my journal)? 'Conception'. Hmmm.

The Weight of Tulips

2008-05-18T15:57:00.005-05:00

I try not to do it... (you fellow intuitives will know what I mean): in shameless scorn of all logic or reasoning, building metaphoric associations between completely unrelated concepts or circumstances. I guess we all do it to some extent though - even if only in fleeting thoughts... tying a groundhog's shadow to a season's length, a broken mirror to fortune's status.

I am aware that this is a sure way to experience disappointment - at best, we waste thought on silly superstition; at worst, we, albeit unwittingly, venture to control (by prediction) things far beyond our reach. There is some sense of human poetry to it, however, and sometimes I simply can't help myself; the best I can do is try to keep my logically irreverent metaphors to myself. But, alas, in what I'm about to share, I will not succeed even in that.

I did a post last Fall - on planting bulbs. Whispered a short prayer for God's help in making the bulbs come up this spring (after 3 years of failed attempts), and promised to post pictures if they did. What I didn't share in that post was that, for 3 years, each Fall I've planted bulbs, I was simultaneously weaving a metaphor between their possible future blooming and my daughter coming home.

"Okay... if the bulbs bloom next spring, it's a sign that this is the year... if they don't, that's a sign too."

Well... for what it's worth, the tulips above are in my garden. And there are 10+ more set to bloom in the next few days. Ironically, this open one had a close call with an eager toddler fist yesterday afternoon (a friend's little girl). Had it not been for my silly metaphor, I'd have let her pick it... and next year, (God willing), Eva can have her pick. But, all things considered, little Ava Witkowski and I took a fun walk to collect pretty dandelions for her mommy instead. :-)

Maybe this is the year... Perhaps such signs are better based on her brimming closet, cookbooks as reading material on my dresser, an overflow of toys in every room of the house, a growing sense of readiness and unfolding hope. But the tulip metaphor is in my favor this year; think I'll stick with it. Too bad for the daffodils and hyacinths - they're going to miss the party!

P.S. I cooked pw's Penne Pasta with Asparagus and Bacon this weekend. After a near miss with boiling the pasta, I did just fine! I'm sure to remember to let the water boil first next time... ;-) Thanks, pw - it was great! (And Ed's calling to schedule dinner this week).

The Other Dog

2008-05-13T18:28:00.038-05:00

Sunday: technically, my first Mother's Day. A good and happy day - a celebration of hopes realized, but the fullness of joy still yet to come. Not much different, I suppose, than any pregnant to-be mom on Mother's Day... only my child is in the world, and active - eating, playing, sleeping...

My husband, who regularly loves me in ways I cannot deserve, out-did himself this year. He collaborated with his father (a gifted illustrator) to write me a children's book. Well... actually, I guess, Guffman and Duncan adapted it from a book Madeleine l'Engle already wrote. Now that I'm done sobbing, I'd like to share it with you:

THE OTHER DOG

First of all, you should know that we are the authors of this book. We put our heads together - figuratively and literally - and the creative juices flowed (at least that's what we assumed they were).

Believe you us: without us authors, a book would never get written. And you can't chew on a book that hasn't been written! So, we - W.F. Guffman and Duncan Rankin - wrote this book, with the assistance of that inferior canine, Eva.

This summer, our mommy went away for A HUNDRED YEARS.

Or a few hours. It's hard to tell.

And when she came back, she brought with her...

another dog.

If you ask us, this was a great waste of money. Dogs are expensive to feed, clean up after, and repair. We don't know how Mommy can afford to lose any more shoes.

We have mad skills.

We can play endless hours of any game Mommy can think of (as long as it involves fetching a ball). We can snatch flying balls right out of the air!

We are very talented.

And until this other dog was brought into our home (without warning), our master and mistress seemed perfectly happy with us.

As pets, we regard ourselves as professionals. We are positive that no other dog could have honed the skill of cuddling to the caliber that we have.

So why another dog?

We swim like the graceful sirens of marine lore. Our master and mistress love to look at us.

So why another dog?

We afford our master endless pleasure in his off-hours when he bathes us and plays with our ears and squirts strange substances in them. We sit still while he pokes and prods and sprays and massages.

No other dog would be so good and patient.

We are tremendously useful in defending the home. We always announce to our master and mistress the slightest movement on the street in front of our house. No one could be more efficient, conscientious, or loud about this than we are.

Our master and mistress have no idea the number of jogger and deer related attacks they have been spared due to our diligent surveillance.

So why another dog?

But what's done is done. The other dog was brought home, and we had to learn to make the best of it.

Nevertheless, from the start we noticed a great many mysterious and horrifying things. For instance, when we are taken out to get some fresh air, we always have to walk - even when it rains.

The Eva is taken out in some kind of cart, and when it rains she doesn't get to go out at all.

And another thing.

During leisure time, we are content to lounge at our mistress' feet or some other canine-appropriate locale on the floor.

Eva openly climbs on all the furniture and lays about with impunity!

At least one thing remained clear. Of all the dogs, we are the most important.

You see, each afternoon we all go outside, this dog called Eva and us. However, only two balls are thrown by the ball thrower. When pitted against our keen radar and freight train engines, she is no match for us at fetch. She does not get a ball from the ball thrower.

Well if that doesn't show you who's who around here, we don't know what would.

And another thing. This Eva-dog gets fed whenever she wants.

We only get fed twice a day.

Of course, there may be a reason for this.

You see, we have frequently been told that our tails are like mighty alligators and our tongues are like proud flags aloft.

Eva-thing hasn't any tail at all and only a little tiny tongue! Perhaps they think that if they feed her and feed her, she may grow into a majestic flag-waving alligator like us.

And, by the way, our Eva - as well as having no tail - has practically no hair. Certainly not enough to brush. So, when people come to call, we have to put clothes on her. All we need is a good hair-brushing.

The Eva-dog is growing bigger and bigger every day, and more and more rambunctious. She clearly needs to be protected and kept company.

Since we know the ropes around here, we better stay close by her side in order to maximize fun and safety.

We have become more use there than as the life of the party. It may be useful, but it's not nearly as much fun. But since we have Eva-dog, someone has to take care of her, and we will do our part.

We must admit, though, that in our few conversations she's been most interested in everything we've had to say. Which is, we think, a definitely encouraging sign of intelligence.

She also sometimes tastes good and has good snacks.

We must admit that in spite of ourselves, we are becoming very fond of our other dog.

So somehow or other, we have come to the

unpredictable
surprising
amazing
astonishing
admonishing
astounding
confounding
tantalizing

conclusion...

In every home there should be at least three dogs!

Welcome, Eva - and lots of love.

-Guffman and Duncan-

And The Prize Goes To....

2008-05-07T18:49:00.005-05:00

Okay, first of all... EVERYONE'S meal ideas are going in the Rankin recipe book. We have them printed out and are excited to try them all - THANK YOU THANK YOU to everyone for taking the time to submit ideas!

As we agreed, however, someone's coming over for dinner... And the winner is... pw! The Penne with Asparagus and Bacon, AND Baked Potato Night have lured me in especially - and I plan to try them for my college friend, Elizabeth, during her visit next week. Pw, one of us will be calling in the next few weeks to get our dinner on the calendar. :-)

Honorable mentions go to Tami for the pork shoulder crock pot idea, Katie for the Mac 'n' Cheese dish and Laura for the Calzones (which Ed has said is the only thing he ever wants to eat for dinner ever again).

Stacy - your lentil recipe is a similar concept to what we've heard Eva eats in the nursery; we have it bookmarked as an impending favorite!

Thanks again to everyone - we will use them all!

Caption Please

2008-05-05T22:31:00.005-05:00

Yes, this is really Ed. Caption wizards, do your magic... :-)

Whew!

2008-05-05T17:24:00.005-05:00

It's alive!! The happy orange Iris is the glory of my garden when it's in bloom... It's the only truly orange (not peach, etc.) Iris I've ever seen - and the only one of its kind in the random greenhouse sale dump-pile where I found it last year. Last June, I'd planted it just before it went into full bloom, so I was concerned about whether it would return this Spring.

Whereas my new blue/purple bearded Iris has more green on it than anything else in the garden, this treasured orange one had remained brown and dead until last week when a tiny green leaf poked up. The dogs promptly stepped on it and it turned brown and died. But now there's another one! I'm guarding that hope-leaf with my life... :-)

Whole Foods; Whole Life

2008-05-04T21:39:00.008-05:00

As a direct result of what I took away from tonight's 'Whole Foods; Whole Life' church event, I'm sitting down with a WHOLE bowl of Starbucks Coffee Almond Fudge Ice Cream and two WHOLE chocolate chip cookies. I don't plan to juice them, however.

P.S. I plan to address recipes this week. THANK YOU for all the great contributions to the future Rankin meal book! Results TBD soon...

B.U.H.D.

2008-05-04T16:11:00.005-05:00

Back. Up. Hair. Dryer. Never be home without one. Well, at least not when you plan to be at church at 7:30 AM to lead worship all morning...

Leaving for work with wet hair? It's been done. Friends and family gatherings? No big deal. Even Saturday night church service might not have been a complete disaster. But Sunday morning?? Oh, the sinking feeling in my stomach as I turned on the (20+ yr. old) hair dryer to hear only a lifeless click. Double checked. Triple checked. Tried multiple outlets. Pried off filter to clean and quadruple check. Dead. Dead. Dead.

So the following phone conversation occurred at 6:30 AM, upon my realization that I had no other options:

DIALING: 1 ring... 2 rings... 3 rings... 4 rings... (uh oh) 5 rings...

JASON: Um...ullo?

VONDA: Hi, Jason - it's Vonda. I am SO SO sorry to be calling right now. Can I talk to Michele?

JASON: Oh, um... is this an emergency?!

VONDA: Yes.

MICHELE: Vonda!! Are you boarding a plane for India?!?

VONDA: Um, no... Ah... My hair dryer's dead and I have to leave for church in 1/2 hr.

MICHELE: (Spunky laughter...) You. Coming here. Letting yourself in with the garage code. Coming to my bedroom and getting the dryer out of the bathroom drawer. Bye.

V's RELIEVED COMMITTEE MEMBER: THANK GOD!! :-)

May we all have friends whose bathrooms we can raid for hair emergencies in the middle of the night...

Oh - and B.U.H.D. also stands for a favorite napping stance on an amazing (finally sunny!) afternoon at Perch Lake:

Blankets
Under
Happy
Dreamers

They're Coming For Us

2008-05-02T06:51:00.002-05:00

Told you so.

Completely Free

2008-05-01T06:05:00.004-05:00

“Because of the gospel’s power, you can be completely free of all condemnation.

Not mostly free; completely free.

Don’t buy the lie that cultivating condemnation and wallowing in your shame is somehow pleasing to God, or that a constant, low-grade guilt will somehow promote holiness and spiritual maturity.

It’s just the opposite! God is glorified when we believe with all our hearts that those who trust in Christ can never be condemned. It’s only when we receive his free gift of grace and live in the good of total forgiveness that we’re able to turn from old, sinful ways of living and walk in grace-motivated obedience.”

- C.J. Mahaney, The Cross Centered Life, 39, 40-
('First Importance' - link to the right)

...Thank you, C.J. Of all the quotes I've read that summarize my journey of Grace begun a year ago (but much longer ago than that), this is the most concise. Love how good quotes can sink a truth in further...

No 'V' in 'Kitchen'

2008-04-28T17:47:00.003-05:00

Anyone who knows me even a little knows this about me: I don't cook. There are many half-way coherent excuses for this (tomboy, emotional scarring from Target food-court job, work outside the home most of the week, Ed likes the kitchen, etc.)... but no reasons that have ever helped me to feel justified in utterly scorning/ignoring this area of 'normal' human existence. There is no 'V' in kitchen yet... but reality is quickly nudging me in that direction and I am approaching readiness to take baby steps.

But if I need to start preparing meals, I want to like it... or at least not loathe it. Know what I mean? (I'm well aware that most women don't). So... I'm wondering if you can help. What do I need? FAST, EASY, NON-THREATENING, HIGH-SENSE-OF-REWARD, MOSTLY HEALTHY meals (not just recipes) that will, ultimately, interest me enough to lure me closer to the kitchen. If someone can actually accomplish this, you will earn renown from my relatives and friend-circle, AND surprised delight from moi. Here are the rules:

Submit one meal idea (main course and sides), with prep instructions, via comments or email...

1. Has to take 20 minutes or less to prepare. EASY.
2. Doesn't have ingredients I won't use often or can't pronounce.
3. Will taste really super good to me, my toddler and husband.
4. Doesn't contain obscene amounts of unhealthy junk.
5. Allows the option to freeze left-overs for future use.

Ed and I will soon sit down to organize current recipes. Ones that don't meet this criteria will be filed in the very back of our new family cookbook. If your recipe is the first one to 'lure me in', (in addition to the aforementioned renown) I will, at some point during 2008, have you over to share it with us (with me preparing it - not you). :-) Remember, "EASY" for me means: you could do it blind-folded with one hand tied behind your back the first time you ever tried to cook anything.

Thanks for your help, friends! Who will put the 'V' in 'Kitchen'? Ultimately, 'V' will. But I'll post results soon on the most alluring meal idea... :-)

3 Feet Tall

2008-04-24T16:49:00.005-05:00

We got a fun email from the nursery last night with answers to some questions we'd asked about Eva. Here are some (shareable) quotes:

1. "We have formed a list of the words that are used which we will give to you when you get here to get her. She came to us with only a few words and now she speaks in sentences but some of the words are not clear yet."

2. "When she is upset the child care worker will take her and ask her her why she is upset and then, holding her, will divert her attention to other things which she likes: [photo] album or toys."

3. "She is very happy with the gifts she got from her parents. She loves to see the album and knows her 'pappa' and 'mammi'. She likes to carry the bag that is sent and it is her favorite. She likes her teddy bear too." (Mom & Dad - this is the one you gave her at the November shower). "...She gets sad if somebody takes or grabs her toys. She does not like to give her album and toys which she got from her parents. She gets angry if some one takes her album bag and teddy bear."

4. She's 3 ft. tall and 28 lbs.

5. "Favorite food is rice, milk, crackers, biscuits and cookies." (Her mama's sighing a big sigh of relief here). ;-)

6. "Favorite toys are bags and dolls. She likes to play with dolls and likes to dress them."

7. "Her favorite person is 'D', her preschool teacher." (Our baby is in pre-school!!!)

8. "She can run fast and is active and social; she likes music and sings. She is a happy child but sometimes she is very stubborn." (Now we know she takes after her mommy AND daddy, respectively...)! :-)

9. "She has seen an eye specialist and has prescription glasses and she loves to wear glasses. She looks cute with her glasses and likes to show off."

10. "There are no dogs in [the nursery] and so she has no interaction with dogs. But when 'E' brought in her pug to get the older kids familiar with dogs, she was scared and started screaming which made all the others cry too. Maybe the pug's face is not to her liking!!!" :-)

11. "The child care workers show her the album and explain the pictures. She likes her home pictures and dogs pictures. She is happy to show the pictures of her family and home and dogs to others. I hope you got a rough idea about her activities I think she likes the pictures of dogs but when they are in living form, she is scared as she is not used to them I believe."

So... all you moms with 3 yr. olds - what clothing size best fits a 3 ft. 30-pounder? Also - those who are praying, I know it's low on the scale of critical issues, but can you join us in praying for a warming of Eva's heart toward canines? We look forward to the day of gently working with her on that too - and most kids come around. But dogs are a big part of life around here and don't want her to feel traumatized at any point... Thanks for praying with us!

V Is To Vegas...

2008-04-20T09:00:00.002-05:00

'V' is to Vegas as a fish is to hiking through the desert. Oh wait - it IS the desert. This will be my first exposure to 'Sin City': business trip, leaving early tomorrow. And actually, though I am flying into Vegas, I've since heard that I'll be staying 1/2 hour out of downtown in Henderson, NV - so should be relatively safe. Just need to get myself through the airport. ;-)

Pray for me if you think of it (that I'll be motivated to do more than hide out in my hotel room). Plus, I think I have 'strep'.

Talk to y'all next Thursday or so!

Positive Reinforcement

2008-04-15T21:57:00.006-05:00

At FCC, weekend services typically include both hymns and contemporary worship songs. Hymns tend to be lyrically rich, with multiple verses to express foundational truths. Worship songs can also have ‘meaty’ lyrics, but most often include a chorus or refrain which helps to reinforce the song’s main message.

In ‘Love the Lord’ (Lincoln Brewster), new for us this coming weekend (4/19 & 20), the themes of loving and serving God with all our heart, mind, soul and strength are repeated throughout the chorus and verses – and, in this case, the reinforcement could not be more appropriate. It’s just what God seemed to have in mind for this, and other commandments, as He instructed His children through Moses:

“Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” - Deut. 6: 4-8 –

ALL my heart, ALL my soul, ALL my strength… ALL of me – loving Him. Personally, I’ll be thankful to sing a few repetitions of this as I attempt to even scratch the surface of imagining what ALL looks like here; it will help me worship more truthfully.

One last note: it’s significant that the song moves through the word ‘love’ into the word ‘serve’. To serve God is to obey God – and both express our love for Him. In John 14:15, Jesus said, “If you love me, you will obey what I command.” This song is not about our choosing to feel loving toward God (though we can joy in the presence of such feelings as we worship); as we sing, we commit to expressing our love through active obedience. With all that we are. In this, we move toward ‘pursuing His Reign in ALL of life’. This is true worship.

Chickorsage

2008-04-14T17:55:00.013-05:00

We TP'ed one anothers' houses, partnered on science projects, signaled truckers from choir-tour bus windows, alternately supported and despised one anothers' boyfriends. We stayed up beyond all reasonable hours at slumber parties, jumped off couches at midnight, passionately 'Pollyanna'-preached to one another the damnable evils of smoking (okay - that was just me), passed notes during chapel, got in 'fights' over ridiculous issues and made up again... cried at one anothers' graduation parties.

We commiserated college roommates, bragged about how far we'd pushed the boundaries, tried to keep our grades up, and kept one anothers' darkest secrets.

We joked about what we would say as we emerged from the bathroom in sexy lingerie on our wedding nights, planned one anothers' wedding showers and had roles in each others' 'big days'. We celebrated together the fun of decorating a first apartment, applauded one anothers' house purchases, compared notes on good car buys - and whose husbands spent more time with the PlayStation.

We sent updates and Christmas cards and pictures of our growing families, we came to understand and accept one anothers' similarities and differences. We watched one another grow up and become more beautiful in confidence and wisdom.

So on Sunday, as these 4 precious, long-time, girlfriends presented me with 'The Chickorsage' (made of toddler socks) lovingly crafted by Yvonne's mother for this anticipated occasion, my eyes flowed over with the weight of bearing such an honor.

As I am the last to join this sacred 'sorority' of motherhood, these sisters showered my daughter with generous gifts... and showered me with the wisdom they've earned through years of being moms. With exhortation to hold to Jesus, to abide in and find my strength in Him. I could not have been more deeply touched.

So many profound nuggets were shared at my shower Sunday, I can't possibly remember them all. But based on their long-time knowledge of who I am, each woman had her own nugget of truth to present. Here are some I'll long cherish:

1. Embrace the pink. She's a girl - there's no getting around it. :-)
2. As an introvert, mothering an extravert is more fun than you might imagine.
3. Cherish every moment. Live in the present and appreciate every stage for its own beauties.
4. It goes fast.
5. Nurturing my daughter is now my ministry, my work.
6. Stay connected. Pick up the phone or send an email; moms need other moms.
7. "Repeat after me: She's THREE." The pain is temporary.
8. Time-outs have worked fine for us.
9. Abide in the Lord. He is the vine - the source. Start each day with Him.
10. 'Have grace on thyself.' I will make mistakes without forever ruining my child.

Thanks, sweet friends for making this long-awaited milestone so memorable. What a gift to still know those who have known my heart through all its transitional shifting of shapes and sizes - and who stuck around through it. I'm realizing these days: much of the shape my heart is in now... He's used you to shape it.

Centrality of The Cross

2008-04-13T09:28:00.006-05:00

“No theology is genuinely Christian which does not arise from and focus on the cross.”

- John Stott, The Cross of Christ (Downers Grove, Ill.: InterVarsity Press, 1986), 216.-
(As published in 'Of First Importance', link to the right)

Cretaceous Cave: The Cave

2008-04-12T22:17:00.006-05:00

If you're lost here, be sure to refer back to Episode 1: The Spiral Staircase. You might get lost anyway, but reading the first segment should, at least, lose you in the right direction. And don't forget: this was a dream.

EPISODE 2: THE CAVE

As we entered the Cretaceous exhibit, the general mood shifted dramatically. We were surrounded by rich beauty, as if peering out from inside a prism; entrancing rays spilling color into all our eyes took in. The diverse assembly of living foliage and small, docile creatures glowed bright and cheery, like a child's array of Easter treats. And the sounds! The room was alive with melodic sounds as each leaf we brushed against on the narrow trail sent chimes of musical tones reverberating all around.

Only a couple minutes passed, however, before a man's voice at the very end of the line shouted, "Hey! Didn't T-Rexes live in the Cretaceous Period?!" Suddenly, our collective senses re-awakened to the reality of grave danger, like trapped flies, aware of the web's gentle sway as the spider approaches...

Once again, the herd was in panicked motion. Toward the back of the line again, I followed feverishly, driven by instinct, adrenaline and the screams of terror immediately behind me. The narrow, foliage-lined trail soon dimmed to a darkened hallway with many rooms on either side. As others ran ahead, I ducked into a side-room followed by one other person from the herd.

The room was dim and sterile - like a vacant science lab; clearly not in use. We began to look for hiding spots beneath desks and cabinets. As we looked through the room, I noticed that the left back wall had bundles of some kind stacked against it. My fellow traveler and I approached the stack, and were amazed to find every kind of material provision we could imagine. Packaged food, pots and pans, tools, weapons, floor-mats. There were many layers of supplies; we peeled through all, taking stock of each type as we pulled its packaging away from the wall and reached for the layer beneath. At last, in peeling back the final layer, we found the greatest provision of all: entrance to a cave of safety.

Peering in, we saw the cavern was large enough for us - and many others - to fit, tall enough for us to stand, and would easily hold our new stash of precious supplies. Yet, thankfully, the opening was too small for the massive, snapping jaws of a T-Rex. There was a strong sense that we were meant to find the cave, that the packaged supplies had been pre-measured with perfect foreknowledge of what we'd need... That we had, somehow, been led to a place of safety and fulfillment, carved out especially for us. The source of security opened itself before us.

All we had to do was enter - and the time was now! We heard nearby roars and turned to see two T-Rexes skidding into a corner of the dark, curved corridor approaching the room. Flinging as many supplies into the cave as we could, (we couldn't save everything), we scurried up through the narrow entrance, nearly losing our feet in the flashing daggers anchored to rancid gums of the red-eyed monsters...

No date estimates this time, but I promise to share Episode 3: The View once it's written down. Thanks for reading!

Office Wisdom

2008-04-09T22:05:00.005-05:00

Sorry for false advertising; still working on Episode 2. Might be Friday...

Meanwhile... I love my manager. She's smart, kind, wise in mentoring - and can tend to be somewhat of a workaholic. So I laughed out loud today when she announced, with great intentionality:

"Tomorrow, I'll be in late and will leave early to make up for it."

Ha! Good for you, S! And C'est la vie!

Cretaceous Cave: The Spiral Staircase

2008-04-08T17:29:00.009-05:00

Last night's epic 'alternate reality' (which I'm about to share) might be reminiscent of 2007's 'Attack of the Giant Squid', but some key differences are worth mentioning up front. First, not as silly; as far as mediums go, this one is closer to an Xbox game than a cheesy horror flick. Second, it 'stuck around' longer - I was still partially in the reality through lunch today. Finally, sorry - no one I know was in it this time, and embellishing this one might wreck it...

EPISODE 1: THE SPIRAL STAIRCASE

The child was obviously upset. Stuck on this never-ending staircase like all of us, hour after hour, she was tired - exhausted, really; the infinity of the spiral drained all hope. I had watched the blondish grade-schooler quietly for the past few minutes as she ran upward out of sight, then downward again, sure there must be an end somewhere. Now she was screaming as if being chased, and hurling herself down the winding steps with no regard for the countless others who blocked her path.

Her terror was contagious; the effect general panic. A grown man screamed, "Did you hear that?!" as pale others threw themselves over the green railing. Some seemed to see and hear tormenters while others, like myself, did not. My own sense of dread had increased steadily, however, as the reality set in: there were no doors, no exits. The shadowed hallways off the staircase had all been searched. Instinctively, we moved en masse - some driven hurriedly by invisible horrors, others just following. Down was the inevitable possibility.

Finally, there was a bottom. A vast, tiled floor that shone, but reflected nothing. It seemed we were in a sort of museum warehouse; the dingy, slatted ceiling panes, inestimable stories above us, did little to illuminate faceted balconies which might once have been elegant.

As the herd of others fanned out around me, I found myself toward the front of a group of 50 or so. We faced a short, flawlessly-groomed man wearing sun-glasses and a freshly-pressed Armani.

"Show us the exit," I asserted. The fear had grown to fever-pitch now; tangible, it encircled us like a pack of hungry wolves.

"Yes, yes - PLEASE!" howled the crowd behind me, moans rising like monastic chants.

The suit-man seemed to hide a twinkle (or perhaps a ruby glow) behind his sun-glasses as he answered with an air of indifference, "There is only one exit." We all saw it now, directly behind him, lined with flashing red bulbs. Beneath the sign was a green, wooden barn-door. He moved toward it with visible affection, cautioning indifferently, "All we have available today is this Cretaceous exhibit. If you are courageous enough, you may enter." He slid it open.

Immediately, two gigantic green lizards appeared, entwining themselves with the bottom-most part of the curved stairway railing nearby. As others dove toward the opened exit, I found myself hanging by my foot from the tongue of one of the lizards. The blood rushed to my head as they swung me back and forth from railing to railing, enjoying their game - with innumerable onlookers watching from the herd on the never-ending stairs.

Had the lizards been hungrier, perhaps my journey would have ended then and there. But soon, with a firm kick to the jaw of one of the great creatures, I was dropped - and flew to take my place in the last of the mad rush toward the barn-door...

...Stay tuned for Episode 2: The Cave on tomorrow's post.

Fan or Fanatic?

2008-04-07T17:37:00.005-05:00

So... I've never watched Oprah before. Not even once. I work during the day... and, admittedly, I'm somewhat naturally suspicious of most people so widely revered. (But, as I said, for no good or well-researched reason in this case).

I've heard the message being portrayed in this video - in SO many places the past 3 years. Not doubting at all that it's becoming prevalent. As I've indicated in previous posts, I'm convinced that tolerance (not in the semi-decent sense of 'live and let live') and diversity (not in the good sense of accepting - but needing to agree with - people from other backgrounds and faiths) have become this culture's gods. Close friends and family may even think I'm somewhat of a fanatic in my 'irrational' block toward these kinds of messages.

However, because I've never watched her show, I'm unqualified to make a call on whether this youtube compilation is actually representative of her message. (Please watch).

Based on what y'all know of 'O' - is this representative? Or fear-based fanaticism? All thoughts are welcome here. Not asking whether you think the message of spirituality the compilation is bashing is true - just whether it's representative of material on her show... Whatchyathink?

Piano Guts

2008-04-04T14:45:00.004-05:00

In this age of sophisticated tools and technology, I often wonder at the number of things I use, on a daily basis - yet have no idea how or why they work. TVs, microwaves, CD players, computers, thermostats, cars... the list could go on and on. Someone built them; someone knows how they work - or at least parts of them. But not me - I don't have to. I'm just a 'user'.

My piano is one of those things. Today, as it was dismantled and rough-tuned, I found myself in awe of the masterful complexity of all the parts; the dance of cause and effect that produces melodies and harmonies, and spurs my imagination and creativity. The wood, metal, nuts, bolts, screws, wires, felt, that all work together for one purpose: producing sound.

There are a million metaphors here - and at least 7 good ones. But I'm not going there today; just appreciating piano guts. And to the list of these every-day miracles, I add internet searches. I can look up a random term like 'piano guts' and find a host of appropriate blog pics at my fingertips.

It's the little things.

Window Into Worship

2008-04-03T21:46:00.006-05:00

It's official: for me, blog #2 begins today! Thanks to a great idea by Worship Pastor and mentor, Steve, and gorgeous design and techie skills by Brandy, I get the amazing gift of blending two core passions: worship and writing... by writing about worship.

This one will start monthly and, possibly, grow to weekly later in the year - others might contribute as well at times. Please stop by, visit, and share your thoughts!

Lord, this is from you and for your Glory. Please work in the ways you have planned through this small offering - may it be Your Name that's remembered, Your Heart for your people that is more deeply known. And please continue to teach us what it means to worship you in Spirit and in Truth - we want to be those kind of worshippers, the kind that really honor you... every day, every hour. Not just with our lips... draw our hearts close to you. Thanks for this...

Blown Away

2008-04-02T22:16:00.006-05:00

Heard a factoid once that we humans lose brain cells every time we blow our noses.

If that is true, I can expect to be institutionalized sometime next week.

Ya know how we all have weird, embarrassing talents we only show off when tipsy (on root beer) or lacking sleep? Mine is an uncannily realistic B-52 bomber impression. With my nose. What's yours?

(Maybe they should go ahead and institutionalize me now).

Hear Us From Heaven

2008-04-01T23:30:00.005-05:00

-Psalm 96:1, “Sing to the Lord a new song…”-

I love it when we introduce new songs at FCC: new sounds, new ideas, new ways of articulating truth. This coming weekend is one of those special services; I get to help introduce “Hear Us From Heaven” by Jared Anderson.

For me, the themes in this musical prayer seem to echo Christ’s own prayer as he taught the disciples to pray to the Father, “Your Kingdom come, Your will be done.” In first glance at the title, I had a twinge of concern that the theme phrase, “Hear Us From Heaven,” might lead to unbalanced focus on the gap between us and God; He is there vs. we are here – like we’re begging Him to hear us long-distance.

However, a thorough reading of the lyrics shows the opposite is true. One cry of this song is for God (whose throne is in Heaven) to cause Heavenly things to take place – right here where we are. Phrases like, “Come heal our land,” “Open the blind eyes, unlock the deaf ears” echo Christ’s “Your Kingdom come.”

Even more beautiful though, I think, is the song’s reaching beyond just asking God to do Heavenly things… the true heart’s cry of the song is for God Himself, His presence among us. Phrases like, “Come to your people as we draw near,” and “Would you make this a place for your glory to dwell” articulate the purest desire of our hearts as worshippers: just to be with Him.

For those of you FCC'ers out here, can't wait to worship with you this weekend!

Lamb, My Foot!

2008-03-31T18:50:00.006-05:00

"March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb?" My foot it does! The only thing this 'going out' has in common with a lamb is the (A): WHITE and (B): FLUFFY... This little lamby's got some big nasty fangs and a rotten attitude. One last shovel, anyone?

P.S. Friends in warmer places - you deserve every bit of satisfaction you're feeling upon reading this post. 7 - 9 inches. Hmph. C'mon and share the spring with us nord'ners, will ya?

The Fruits

2008-03-30T20:41:00.004-05:00

"You know how self-control is one of the fruits of the Spirit? I was so bummed when I found that out..."

-A Dear Friend, over Friday brunch-

Priceless

2008-03-29T23:28:00.005-05:00

1 package of size 2T-3T Huggies Pull-Ups: $14.99.

1st-ever purchase of Pull-Ups in preparation for long-awaited daughter: Priceless.

15 Minutes From Hades

2008-03-28T16:52:00.009-05:00

10:35: In shower, hear dogs barking ferociously in kitchen.
10:40: Emerge from shower, flashing unsuspecting UPS guy.
10:41: Recover from humiliation.
10:41: Notice dog urine ALL over EVERYWHERE.
10:42: Let responsible dog out to pee - 5 more minutes straight.
10:43: Grab gross dog towel, mop up pee from EVERYWHERE.
10:45: Culligan man in driveway; peeing-barking dog runs amok.
10:45: Decision: dog-assault charges? Or flash the Culligan man?
10:46: Yank on jeans and sweatshirt, pull towel off unbrushed hair.
10:47: Fly out garage door, knock over Culligan man, saving him from wagging-peeing dog.
10:47: Feeling very grateful to be dressed.
10:48: Culligan man done and yells 'Thanks' from basement.
10:49: Dogs outside sniffing ground-squirrels, refuse to come back.
10:50: Trick mud-covered dogs to returning.
10:50: Grab gross dog-towel to mop up mud and remaining pee.

Poor UPS guy. Poor Culligan man. Poor large-bladdered, mud-spattered canines. Poor, poor, poor wood floors.

Welcome to 'fancy-free-Fridays' at the Rankin house...

Walter

2008-03-27T18:04:00.006-05:00

His real name?

Walter. Willis.

(This changes nothing for me).

Ode to NyQuil

2008-03-26T17:19:00.004-05:00

ODE TO NYQUIL

I love you, Ny-y-Quil, oh yes I do-oo.
I hate your licorice taste, yet I'll be tru-ue.
I drift right off to sleep - tongue blue.
Oh, Ny-y-Quil, I love you.

5 Years Home

2008-03-25T18:50:00.007-05:00

5 years ago, on March 26th, we moved into our newly-constructed home here in Hudson. I remember little things: putting Guff's bed in the corner of the master bedroom for the first time, romping barefoot on the new 'soft-touch' carpet, Martha buying kitchen-organization accessories, Kara doing the linen-closet...

Months before that, the night before the construction crew broke ground, family and friends had gathered to pray on the still-dirt-floor of what would later be the center our living room. I remember Ed leading out in prayer for our family, our pastors joining in, Wade asking for safety for us during long commutes to and from work...

My most vivid memory is of the very first morning waking up in our home, looking out our sunny bedroom window. I had never seen so many bluebirds in one place, congregating joyfully on the old fence separating our back yard from the horse pasture. And I had never been so sure I was home. In church later that morning, my eyes welled up with tears of gratitude.

Thanks, God, for the 'homes' you make for us, wherever we go. For the Home that will, one day, be the culmination of all that comforts us. And thank you for bluebirds; that has been an amazing touch.

The Golden Rule Dethroned

2008-03-24T19:05:00.007-05:00

Despite important differences, one theme somewhat similar amongst major world religions is the concept of 'The Golden Rule'. See evidence here:

Jesus: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
Hinduism: "This is the sum of duty; do not do to others what would cause pain if done to you."
Buddhism: "Treat not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful."
Islam: "Not one of you truly believes until you wish for others what you wish for yourself."
Judaism: "What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor. This is the whole Torah; all the rest is commentary."

In each of these statements, there is a standard of behavior that can be known, since each of us can know (or at least somewhat imagine) how we, personally, would - or would not- want to be treated in a given situation.

So, I was surprised today in entering a corporate training course to discover that The Golden Rule has now been replaced! Didn't you know? We must now embrace 'The Platinum Rule' instead: "Treat others as THEY want to be treated."

At first glance, this might not look like such a big difference; the main point is just for everyone to try to get along, right? What's the harm (especially to an 'F' - Feeler!) in a philosophy that advocates sensitivity to others' feelings? Well... let's first take a look at possible examples of what could be construed as 'unacceptable' (harassing) behavior:

Example 1
1. Jenny keeps a Bible on the corner of her cubicle - she likes to read it during lunch break.
2. Johnny walks by her cubicle and is offended by the Bible which, he feels, opposes his own religion.
3. Because "one person has found offense" with something sitting on Jenny's desk, or hanging on her cubicle wall, she must remove it, or deal with consequences.

Example 2
1. Jenny invites Johnny to a movie night at her church.
2. Johnny feels offended that Jenny would invite him to a religious event.
3. A couple weeks later, Jenny invites a group of co-workers to an Easter service and lunch - and includes Johnny on the email. Her second 'harassing' invitation could lead to consequences.

The problem, as I see it, is not in needing to be respectful of others' feelings. Certainly, that's a goal for all of us to the extent that it's possible. The problem is a re-defining of harassment. Whereas harassment used to be defined by a list of specific actions which you should NOT do to someone else, it now consists of only one (impossible) requirement: DON'T OFFEND ANYBODY. The question of whether or not one employee has harassed another is not at all dependent on what a person does or does not do - but, instead, solely on whether or not their co-worker FEELS offended by that action. Per the training, intent of any action is inconsequential; what matters is whether it results in a feeling of offense.

The shift is subtle, but changes everything. Instead of protecting freedoms, we are now protecting feelings. 'Tolerance' in its truest sense... it's not (as it claims to be) about 'live and let live', but instead, 'stop living so others can live unoffended'. In placing it above all other virtues (Truth, Integrity, Honesty, etc.), it begins to spit aggressively in the face of all the freedoms we claim to treasure and uphold.

In my opinion, an organization serious about enforcing such a subjective view of harassment can expect to see a shut-down of personal communication, creativity and expression amongst employees. And, if carried to extremes, perhaps an evacuation of precisely the type of honest, trustworthy employees they hope to hold on to.

It's been 6 months since my first blog post and I realized I haven't yet used 'Rants' as a post label. Thought it was about time... I'm "offended"; anyone have any bets on how much weight that carries in the opposite direction?

The Happy Dance

2008-03-20T18:22:00.003-05:00

This was today's view from Eva's bedroom window. But 3 of them: black, white and tan. Full-grown 'neapolitan' horses with flailing heads, rearing hooves, and spunky hinders, chasing in gleeful bounce round and round their forest-extended field.

They were laughing and telling secrets in the late-afternoon sunshine, I think.

(Their secret is that this coming 'snow-storm' will be soon overcome by spring). Shhh... I can be bad with secrets.

Closer to Ready

2008-03-19T18:07:00.006-05:00

People don't call and leave messages here a lot. Neither Ed nor I are phone people; we keep in touch best via email and calendar. So I was surprised to find 3 messages on our voice mail when I got home from work tonight:

1. Heather from the census bureau calling for her monthly follow up.
2. A friendly reminder from Blockbuster; they'd like their movies back please.
3. ....

Adoption Agency: We've been approved by the appropriate overseas committee to adopt our daughter!

5 months of stored-up (happy) tears are flooding down my face. The final shift from questioning to knowing (as much as we can 'know' anything from day to day).

One last mostly risk-free court process (pray for the fast judge!) and an estimated 2 and 1/2 months till monsoon-season travel. :-)

Now is the time for: kids' book sprees and car-seats and wagons and wardrobe details and bedsheets and lists of great ideas for family activities and childproofing and room-organizing and travel preparation and insurance arrangements and orange bean bags and video cameras and organizing recipes and still praying a lot and remembering what we read about parenting and scrap-booking and finishing the deck and prepping announcements and not necessarily all in that order and...

I have WAY too much to do in 2 and 1/2 months. Oh, and that feels so wonderful... :-) Ironically, it seems much closer to ready than having to have all 'ducks' aligned. Just come home to us, little Eva - just home. We'll figure it out together...

Thanks for waiting and joying with us!

Forgiveness

2008-03-16T21:17:00.003-05:00

"Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."

-Mark Twain-

First Kiss

2008-03-15T09:55:00.004-05:00

First Kiss

Winter turned his back today
in icy jealousy,
and took no frozen look behind
at what there was to see.

I spurned his arms that held me white
and raised my fickle head
as Spring bent down with sunshine lips
and gently kissed me red.

-V, 1994-

P.S. The sequel poem will undoubtedly address the futility of a beach hat incapable of shading such an exotic beak as mine. ;-)

Quote For Today

2008-03-09T09:32:00.005-05:00

Last night, we enjoyed a delightful little theatre production at the Southern Theatre: 'You're My Favorite Kind of Pretty'. Afterward, in a short discussion time with the cast, the Director (a friend's husband) said, "I'm finding lately that the more personal I make my work, the more universal its application becomes."

This is one of those concepts I have innately known, but have questioned at times. Hearing it from someone who creates art as a profession was powerful and encouraging - and reminded me of this C.S. Lewis quote:

"Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it."

I love this.

Have a wonderful week, dear readers and blog friends! Looking forward to connecting again upon our return...

Hips

2008-03-08T13:58:00.008-06:00

The appearance of hips, for me, has been kind of like, "Now you see'em; now you don't." - except the exact opposite. Did a little pre-trip shopping today and had a real 'come to Jesus' moment in the fitting room.

I've written a haiku in cautious wonder/celebration:

Buttons popped: SURPRISE!
Seams smiled wide before my eyes...
I'm a brand new size!

I was always a late bloomer... Had any (shareable) surprising fitting room moments lately?

What's In A Name?

2008-03-07T10:17:00.011-06:00

I have a unique name. For that reason, newly meeting people often leads to questions about whether it's a family name, or has some other significant meaning. The answer, as I understand it, is that I was named after Vonda Kay Van Dyke (pictured here).

I don't know much about Vonda Kay except that my mom (Vonnie) was impressed with her beauty, grace and talent as she (my mom) watched 'Miss America' on TV as a young teen. My mom decided then and there that, if she had a daughter, she would name her Vonda. And so it came to be.

Growing up, I always liked my name. It was different and unique - and I sensed that I was different too, as a person, so it seemed fitting. Plus, it had a story behind it; my mom had dreamed of me before I was ever born. I really liked that.

To test how unique my name really is, I searched Google to see what it would come up with. Here were some of the results:

Vonda, the Cottage Style:

Snoho Vonda, the Flower

Vonda Shepard, the Singer/Actress

Vonda, the Collie Dog
(There's also at least one Rotweiler by this name)

Vonda, the Ancestor

How about you? Any cool history or story behind your name? What does Google have to say about you?

2 Hr. Shortcut

2008-03-05T18:01:00.006-06:00

I could have ridden a freaking horse to work today and arrived there faster.

Note to future self: "I94 is backed up from Hudson to Minneapolis? Take it anyway."

1. West on McCutcheon
2. North on Scott
3. East on A
4. Curve around on I
5. Northwest on E
6. Over Stillwater bridge
7. South on Main St.
8. West on 36
9. South on White Bear
10. West on Larpenteur
11. North on Shore (dead end at Lake Phalen - whoops!)
12. Southwest on Frost
13. West on Larpenteur
14. Hit red lights through all of Oakdale, Maplewood and Roseville
15. Cross 280, rejoice at Hennepin
16. Hit all red lights between 280 and 35W
17. South into Hennepin Business Complex

...4 days to Cancun.

Wiggle

2008-03-04T21:06:00.004-06:00

A recent 'Upnorthica' post showed master craftsman, Mors Kochanski, making a hunting bow. It took him just a minute to craft the bow and attach the string to it.

It seemed the most time-consuming part of his art was prepping the tool for use. Mors explained the importance of repeatedly pulling the string away from the bow, creating tension, and bending the wood - then letting it return to shape again. The repetition of this pulling, this tension, makes the wood more flexible prior to use. If one were to place full tension on a bow that hadn't been stretched, the bow would snap.

I'll be honest... this wait for Eva has gotten tough again. Oh, I trust Him. I know He's good. But I feel stretched out over the span of 3 years. I feel the bending of internal fibers each time I enter her room without full assurance that she's ours. The pull of tension when my throat lumps up at the sight of a toddler - or even randomly at work. Often, I've questioned, "Why the repetition? Why are we at this same place again? And again?"

But this video was a tangible reminder... the Master Craftsman hasn't taken His tender, expert Hand off me. The stretching is uncomfortable - at times, it feels like more than I'm ready for. In my humanness, I tire of the back and forth, back and forth of brief movement vs. waiting. But there's purpose in it; He knows I'll need this flexibility later on. Isn't it true that the further the bow can flex, but still snap back to shape, the stronger a tool it becomes?

I like this concept; have been chewing on it from different angles. With life, it seems there's 'wiggle' in a lot of things - a back and forth motion that's part of learning to find our 'groove' - the flexibility it takes to grow up and stop insisting that everything is either good or bad, right or wrong, useful or wasteful. Don't get me wrong - SOME things are. Just not everything. That's the point.

Maybe we all learn to 'walk' with a bit more of a 'wiggle' as we get older...

Zipping It

2008-03-03T17:28:00.012-06:00

Remember when your mom told you, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all?"

I should have taken that advice earlier today...

6 days till Cancun...

Night Sounds

2008-03-02T08:58:00.010-06:00

Imaginary 'flies on the wall' micro-waved popcorn and settled back in their seats to enjoy the following drama that unfolded in our room at approximately midnight last night:

ED (SLEEP-TALKING): "GOOO-id! GOOOO-id!" [Holds his hand up, stiff, like a robot hand]. "GOOOOOOO-id!"

ED: [Sips from an imaginary coffee mug. Smacks his lips loudly.]

V: Giggles softly as Ed drifts back to sleep, unaware that he had awakened V from an alternate reality.

She (who was not really V) was a settler, a pioneer from days long ago. Newly married, she and her blond, German-speaking husband were choosing affordable Homestead land on which to build their home. Their acres were partially wooded with rolling hills and a beautiful lake.

Her husband and father-in-law were presently pushing the heavy, covered wagon up a steep, wooded incline (they had lowered it down to unload supplies). She thought about worrying whether she should stand just beneath them, in case the wagon should slip. But, the future was visible to her and she knew there was no cause for concern - not for now, anyway...

In future months, they would have to pay a traveling doctor handsomely to save her life during her excruciating delivery of their first son. The sum would require them to sell this beautiful property to her husband's brother in order to survive. Her husband would remain bitter about this to his dying days. Should she tell him now?

ED: Mmmmmmm... Chooooocoooooolate chips. [Smacks his lips loudly].

GUFFMAN: [Intermittent egregious snores and melodramatic Big Bird noises].

V: [Grabs and inserts earplugs]. Heartbeat...heartbeat...heartbeat. [Back to sleep...]

What alternate realities have you visited recently?

On The Way

2008-03-01T09:09:00.008-06:00

As of late, my previous blog description, referencing ongoing struggle between The Ally (Bruce) and The Bully (Umbridge), no longer seems to fit as well. Umbridge has, indeed, taken a seat. My own voice, now in increasing alignment with the One who loves me most, has taken the place of Bruce's (and anyone else's) in coming to my defense.

Does that mean I have it all together? Of course not. But there's been progress on this particular front, and I am grateful.

At the risk of confusing those who know know me - and those who don't - let me clarify that I believe there's a difference between a Throne and a Director's Seat when it comes to oversight of my life. Let me be clear that my little Director's Seat is in submission to the Throne, and the Loving One who sits on it. I do not claim to have ultimate control over my life and circumstances. Wouldn't want it, in fact; I don't see, or love, well enough. He's given me some responsibility for my thoughts and decisions though, and, by His Grace, I am learning to step up and take leadership there.

Hope that all makes sense. Good to walk with you all 'on the way'.

Brown Eyed Girl

2008-02-29T16:47:00.006-06:00

Did you know we have a teenage daughter living in India? We've connected with Jaswanthi through a ministry called Care and Share and have been blessed to correspond and support for over a year now. Dear friends recently visited Jaswanthi and have brought with them reports of how beautiful and special she is. Smart, sensitive, intuitive, 'deep', and, like her "Mummy Vonda", has a beautiful nose worth writing home about. She wants to become a doctor. Oh - and her favorite color is green. Of course. ;-)

I get to go see pictures and video tonight...

A Healthy Choice

2008-02-28T15:56:00.004-06:00

ME: Hi. I'd like your greasiest double quarter pounder with cheese, saltiest fries and a sugary, caffeine-filled beverage.

ME: Oh - and a hot fudge sundae.

DRIVE THRU ATTENDANT: Would you like nuts on your sundae?

ME: Yes please.

Welcome Home, Travelers!

2008-02-27T21:25:00.004-06:00

Welcome home, groovygirls! We missed you and can't wait to hear all your amazing stories!

How to Lure Spring

2008-02-26T17:46:00.009-06:00

Mom always wisely said, "Don't wish your life away; enjoy each moment, day by day." On the other hand, spring is 'pokey' come March, and there's no shame in deceiving our sense of time a bit when necessary. Cancun is one such method...

Here are some other ways to encourage spring to pick up its pace:

10. Switch out your winter/summer wardrobe a little early this year.
9. Go swimsuit shopping.
8. Dye your hair blond.
7. Brag about your snowy winter in an email to a Florida relative.
6. Wear flip flops to work or church.
5. Exercise secretly until someone notices.
4. Run once around your house with just your slippers on. Dare ya.
3. Pack a picnic of Cadbury's Eggs to enjoy at your favorite park.
2. Keep fresh tulips on the kitchen table until April 15th.
1. Join Jen Crim in her annual 'peep'-fest.

What's your solution?

Beauty Afoot...

2008-02-25T17:23:00.003-06:00

A couple of 'barely-known' musicians and a friend with a camera put together a low-budget little film called 'Once'. If you haven't seen it yet, do.not.pass.go. on your way to the movie store. It's simple, far surpasses standard movie morality, and boosts courageous creativity.

In this film, they performed a beautiful 'homespun' song which actually won them each an Oscar last night. And, instead of conducting themselves like wide-eyed first-time recognition-mongers OR snooty 'I'm too good for all of you' individualists, they received their reward with humility and grace. In my opinion, they gave Hollywood, and all of us, a bit of 'the real thing'.

There's beauty afoot. Sometimes in unexpected places.

P.S.
Raise Day,
Hooray!
Time to
go play!

The Flaw in Perfectionism

2008-02-24T12:47:00.007-06:00

Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D. says this about perfectionism:

"A perfectionist sees life as if it were one of those little pictures that used to appear in the newpapers over the caption "What's wrong with this picture?" If you looked at the picture carefully you would see that the table only had three legs or the house had no door. I remember the "Aha!" that these pictures evoked in me as a child. I wonder now why anyone would want to take such satisfaction in [dwelling on] what is missing, what is wrong, what is "broken."

The pursuit of perfection has become a major addiction of our time. Fortunately, perfectionism is learned. No one is born a perfectionist, which is why it is possible to recover. I am a recovering perfectionist. Before I began recovering, I experienced that I and everyone else was always falling short, that who we were and what we did was never quite good enough. I sat in judgment on life itself. Perfectionism is the belief that life is broken."

AI

2008-02-23T13:12:00.009-06:00

'AI' stands for lots of things these days:

-American Idol
-Artificial Intelligence
-Amnesty International
-Arts Institute... etc.

But as of this afternoon, for me, it stands for ALL INCLUSIVE!! That's right, folks... The man and I will be doing some migratory nesting in Cancun in just a couple weeks.

I had never realized it before, but it's really the sunny late winter days that getcha. The cloudy, cold, overcast days, we just trudge on through. But when I felt the sun on my face yesterday, my senses re-awakened to the fact that, somewhere in the world, there is a sandy beach...

A little spontaneous for my character, but I'm glad we're doing it; it will likely be our last 'just-us' beach trip for many years. We've vowed to do nothing but read books on the beach, eat as much as we want, and watch movies with the balcony door open till all hours. Okay - maybe we'll add in a couple other things... the trip is 'AI' after all...
;-)

Friday Sun

2008-02-22T14:57:00.003-06:00

Friday's sun glows warm,
orange-green behind closed eyelids.
Hope and waiting fuse.

You Know Your Car is Dirty When...

2008-02-21T15:50:00.007-06:00

The car wash I unwisely bought in Woodbury last month is about to expire. Thanks to the recent cold snap (and impossible lines when it's warm enough), the filth and grime has accumulated to a depth I hadn't thought possible.

You know your car is dirty when...

10. You can't find it in a small parking lot.
9. You can't pay an obnoxious kid to write 'WASH ME' on it.
8. You're embarrassed to take it to church.
7. Cops pull you over for an obstructed license plate.
6. Cousin Jimmy asks if he can join you off-roading next time.
5. Your Huckabee sticker flies off when you hit a bump.
4. Even your dogs don't want to ride in it.
3. There's drag on your engine from lugging the extra dirt around.
2. Deer jump out as you drive, drawn to the mother of all salt-licks.
1. The fundraiser car wash turns you away.

Katie's Kudos

2008-02-20T21:38:00.004-06:00

Thanks to Katie for her kudos in a recent post. Now that I've been tagged, I'm supposed to pass the honors on to 5 others who, I feel, blog with purpose. That's where I get stuck though; we all blog with some kind of purpose. Here are some of the many great 'reasons' I see amongst this blog community:

1. Because Grace transforms lives.
2. Because in loving 'the least of these', we're loving Him.
3. Because life offers moments to cherish.
4. Because there's so much to learn.
5. Because connecting with friends makes a difference.
6. Because breathing in and out the Gospel is a life-long pursuit.
7. Because true faith shines in questions, as well as knowing.
8. Because there's a link between Truth and right living.
9. Because joy spreads as families grow.
10. Because gratitude is limitless.
11. Because parenthood is not for wimps.
12. Because we grow as we grow our kids.
13. Because there is beauty in every moment.
14. Because the witty ones live happier.
15. Because a picture's worth a thousand laughs.
16. Because community transcends distance.
17. Because His daily gifts are worth celebrating.
18. Because kids do the darndest things!
19. Because good stories surround and support serving.
20. Because there's art in life - and love.
21. Because you're too cool to keep it all in your head.
22. Because laughter is the best medicine.
23. Because Proverbs 31 is worth living up to.
24. Because life is chock-full of intriguing mysteries.
25. Because each experience is part of the growing story.
26. Because it's good to stay in touch.
27. Because life is an adventure, meant to be shared.
28. Because, in loving nature, we learn to love God more deeply.
29. Because there's wild beauty in this song we sing together.
30. Because we're accountable for knowing and deciding.

Just realized that I read 30 blogs each day. Did you find your 'reason'? This is why you all are 'Inspiration'; not just a 'Blogroll'. Kudos to all of you for blogging with purpose; we all help each other remember 'why'...

Milestone

2008-02-19T22:14:00.004-06:00

Turned 34 today... and still getting carded for way cheesy coffee drinks. Thanks, Applebees, you're the best! ;-)

Thanks, friends, for all the fun birthday wishes in yesterday's comments. Those who know me best know birthdays (at least in the AM) are traditionally a 'cave day' for me. Quiet, thoughtful, reflective, detached from life and social networks. Thanks for loving me through the stubborn call-screening; I'll re-enter reality tomorrow...

34. This is the age I was always meant to be.

Ready For Restoration

2008-02-18T21:54:00.008-06:00

BEFORE CARE & SHARE
What moves you? What makes your insides say, almost audibly, "This just can't stay like this. God, please fix it! And please use me to help."

For a growing number of families all over the world, the needs of orphans in Andhra Pradesh, India, is an issue that requires movement. A program called 'Care and Share' offers authentic and effective opportunity to act.

Tomorrow, I have the pleasure of driving three of my closest friends to the airport, to begin their journey to visit these orphans living in Care and Share facilities. These dear sisters will go bearing suitcases bursting with gifts and medicines for children who are sponsored by the program. They will hold babies, hug teenagers, administer medicine, wash hair, meet childrens' needs for care: affection, attention, hope. Their visit will be remembered by these children, and will make a difference.

One of the gifts they bring with them is for our oldest daughter, adopted long-distance. Her name is Jaswanthi. Her mother died years ago; her remaining family is unable to support her. So she lives at Care and Share where she receives food, shelter and education. Jaswanthi still has family, but many children don't. Some are HIV-infected after having lost their parents to that disease. Some were abandoned by parents and extended family. At least one was pushed from a moving train and left. Kids come to these facilities faster than they can be sponsored... So much good has been done - yet, there is so much left to do!

One of my sister-friends, Lori, has started a blog where she will post about the trip, Care and Share's progress, and ongoing needs. You can find it, 'Be The Change' in the links to the right. If you haven't yet found something that 'moves' you, or have room for one more - and are interested in looking further into this, feel free to contact Lori anytime (or me if you need her info). Money goes further with Care and Share than with other sponsorship programs we're involved in - and contact with the children is personal and frequent. We can't all move in every available direction... but all of us can move. We CAN make a difference by sharing what we've so richly been given.

AFTER CARE & SHARE

Ed, 'The Brain'

2008-02-17T20:30:00.005-06:00

There is general consensus amongst those who know him that Ed is unusually smart. He has one of those brains where stuff gets sucked in and never falls out. He's humble about it though, you know? Insists that everyone's smart in their own way, blah, blah, blah...

But no matter what he says, and though he doesn't act like a 'knowitall', it's still obvious to most of us that his IQ is way beyond average. He proved it the other day - took an online IQ test and scored 138. Average is 100! Only 3 wrong out of 30 questions.

Do you agree that Ed should pack his bags and head to 'Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?' If so - leave a comment; I'm starting a petition... ;-)

It's Official

2008-02-16T19:43:00.005-06:00

Let it be known; the Aviom is my friend. Would be even better if the ear thingy would stay in, but that's a reconcilable difference. No bears. No adrenaline. No paralyzing fear.

Short post tonight. Think I'll step away now to stop bouncing off the wall... and simply step over it. Thank you, Lord!

Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Aviom?

2008-02-15T10:30:00.006-06:00

Anyone who sings with mics and monitors on a regular basis understands that there's a link between what goes in your ear and what comes out your mouth. Can't hear yourself well enough? You get 'pitchy'. Hear yourself too well? In my case, brain goes into adrenaline mode and body starts prepping to kill a bear (which, incidentally, is not conducive to trying to sing a song).

For that reason (and because I'm the opposite of a techie), I've been highly suspicious of the new Aviom monitoring system being adopted by FCC. Some had said it's more isolating (NOT good in my case). Others had said it offers more control of what you hear (again, I'm no techie, so control by me: not comforting).

With Aviom, you stick an ear-plug type thingy in your ear (see above), a battery-pack thingy on your fanny, and use this control panel to adjust what sounds go in your ear.

So last night was my first opportunity to test Aviom. Thankfully, it was presented to me as an option; not a requirement. And surprisingly, the control panel is quite intuitive (unless you end up sticking the wrong, muted, ear thingy in your ear for the first 1/2 hour of practice). This being my first exposure to the system, I reserve the right to change my mind and hate it later - so don't tell anyone I said this... But my first impression? I LIKE it. A lot.

Shhhh.

Happy V-Day

2008-02-13T18:46:00.008-06:00

I used to wear black and drip with sarcasm on Valentine's Day. There are few things more painful than watching others celebrate romantic love when one is longing for it, but has lost, or never known it. I'm no longer in that place, but if I were, this puppy would at least make me crack a smile, I think. He's real, they say - born in Japan.

May TRUE love be with you this V-day, dear readers - whatever that looks like for you. If you're hurting, have grace on yourself for wearing black (or at least wanting to). Everyone else - let's be gentle, loving, and shower fun surprises on those we know would like to be hibernating.

Ed... there is nowhere else I'd rather be.

A Good Day

2008-02-12T18:20:00.001-06:00

The Office: it's coming back to us. Whew!
It's a good day.

Burnin' Ring O' Fire

2008-02-11T16:52:00.001-06:00

Dear friend, KJ, has done a beautiful post about our weekend at 'Wilderness' which expresses my sentiments exactly - so I won't recreate the wheel. I do, however, have further commentary on the injustices of a metal outhouse seat at temps of -40 windchill.

I can't take full credit; the long-standing joke was created by Amy Malhoit - and Johnny Cash supplied the tune. So sorry, Johnny...

RING OF FIRE

I sat down on the burnin' ring o' fire;
it burned, burned, burned as I added to the mire.

And it's cold, Cold, COLD with just your ankles well-attired.
Go only when it's dire - to the ring o' fire.

Wait On the Lord, Oh My Soul...

2008-02-08T09:15:00.001-06:00

Today is the 4 month anniversary of when we were able to announce that Eva was cleared, and our daughter. It's also the mental milestone I had marked for myself, up to which I would not be concerned about completion of the next step (which was to take 2 to 3 months). As today has grown closer, I've found myself needing to pray for extended patience and peace.

Here is what my devotional had to say about it this morning, entry dated Feb. 8th:

On Me Alone

I am your Lord, your Supply. You must rely on Me. Trust to the last uttermost limit. Trust and be not afraid. You must depend on Divine Power only. I have not forgotten you. Your help is coming. You shall know and realize My Power.

Endurance is faith tried almost to the breaking point. You must wait, and trust, and hope, and joy in Me. You must not depend on man but on Me, on Me, your Strength, your Help, your Supply.

This is the great test. Am I your supply or not? Every great work for Me has had to have this great test-time.

Possess your souls in patience and rejoice. You must wait until I show the way. Heaven itself cannot contain more joy than that soul knows, when, after the waiting-test, I crown it victor. But no disciple of Mine can be victor, who does not wait until I give the order to start. You cannot be anxious if you know that I am your supply.

His Grace to me is so far above and beyond what I could ask for or imagine. Perhaps this message will reach some of you in places where you wait as well...

P.S. I'll be tobogganing (not toblogganing) this weekend... Have a great one! :-)

Quote For Today

2008-02-07T15:37:00.000-06:00

"And what was said to the rose to make it unfold, was said to me here in my chest - so be quiet now, and rest."

-David Crowder, 'Here Is Our King'-

The Epitaph Enigma

2008-02-06T22:14:00.000-06:00

Ever thought of what you'd want on your tombstone? C'mon - be honest. It's not really that morbid, right? I'm one of those who tends to think it's good and healthy to think about (not obsess over) our mortality, and be as ready as possible...

Problem is, there are so many things I want on my tombstone, I'd have to be buried in some kind of missile silo...

Just in case I ever go without making up my mind, here's one that's been at the top of my list for the past 5 years or so:

Around the corner there may wait
a new road, or a secret gate,
and though I oft have passed them by,
the day (has) come at last when I
shall walk the hidden paths that run
west of the moon, and east of the sun.

Pretty sure it's by Tolkien.

The picture I get in my mind whenever I think of this poem was just emailed to me by my Uncle Charles yesterday (unintentionally, I'm sure):

I guess, in this case, the epitaph should really say "ride"; not "walk". How about you? Have any thoughts about what words you'll leave behind?

P.S. I reserve the right to change my mind and choose cremation - but if I do, something's still getting engraved on something somewhere.

Anniversaries

2008-02-05T17:24:00.000-06:00

Ever find yourself pondering a certain memory throughout the day, then return to reality suddenly to discover it was the anniversary of what you were thinking about? That happens to me a lot.

Today it was thoughts of packing to go to the Bahamas with dear friends last year. I realized that's just what I would have been doing this time last year. Then, I thought back further and realized how many times I've been on trips during this particular week through the years... a lot. Guess I'm kind of programmed.

Feels interesting (in a good way) to be in nesting mode during what would typically be migration season. I wonder if this means Spring will spring early for me... ;-) Did anyone hear what Punksatony Phil had to say about his shadow the other day?

Lessons From the Archives

2008-02-04T18:10:00.001-06:00

At work, I am known as one who enjoys collecting, categorizing, labeling, filing and retrieving bits of information... but tends to get a little sassy-mouthed when wrangled into moving my precious archives toward destruction. A pack-rat librarian of sorts, you might say.

Nevertheless, in these days of increasing regulation of what can and can't be kept, (and how, how long, and for what reasons), it's getting tougher and tougher to be a pack-rat. Recently, I surrendered, sucked it up, held my breath, and... went through a box of old project folders.

I've been in project management for quite a few years now and have accumulated quite a stash of project notes and remnants. The existence of these old maps to current reality is comforting to me in the following ways:

1. They contain my original thought and decision-making processes. (I can remember why we did something).
2. They recall project participants, so I know who might remember some detail if I can't.
3. My email has to be archived much more vigorously; it's nice to know the paper trail is there just in case.
4. Proof that, yes, we actually have done a certain project three times already in the past decade. I'm not crazy.
5. Provision of mental or structural templates for similar projects going forward.
6. Proof that something has been changed, reinvented, or improved - restored - because I was there.

But about #6... know what I discovered? It hit me when all but 3 folders sprawled dead on the floor after going through the entire box... It's all temporary. In the grand scheme of life, most everything I touch is just a small stepping stone to pass over on the way to the next stone, making my way across the river. Does that stone have to stay there in order for others to cross behind me? No - they'll make their own way. Does it have to stay there in order for me to be safe moving forward? No - it only provides psychological security in looking back at where I've come from. Time blankets our past in layer upon layer of obscurity; even in unwrapping those layers, few things remain truly useful.

I have a plaque in my house that Grandma used to keep in hers: "Only one life; 't'will soon be past. Only what's done for Christ will last." True, I think. We just can't get over-zealous about thinking we're in charge of determining what will end up lasting and what won't. I know there's eternal stuff that happens when I'm at at work; but most of it isn't stuff that will be found in a project box a few years from now.

I want what I do down here to matter. Don't we all want that? How will the "project boxes" of my life have meaning in eternity? How will they not stay buried under layer after layer of dusty time? Because what is done for Him, through Him, BY Him will last. If it rests in shadow, He will, one day, uncover it with great Joy and celebration.

What do I do that falls into that eternal category? That's my own private mental post for tonight. You too - think about it... what do you do? What will last? What good do you hope will be remembered? In whose strength is that thing accomplished? Then let it reach beyond ourselves... and let it be done in Love.

The Nest

2008-02-03T22:05:00.000-06:00

You know when you pick out paint for a room, get it on the wall, and could swear it's a completely different color than what you picked? That is the opposite of what happened with painting Eva's room. The colors are perfect. PERFECT. The jury is most definitely in and green and orange DO work together! They coordinate perfectly with the comforter, and blend the rest of the room all together. LOVE it!!

Even Guffman and Duncan agree... Here's their take on the whole thing:

GUFF: Bunkie, bro - there's definitely something off here. I may be older than you, but my nose is still good, and I'm not liking what I'm sniffin' here...

DUNCAN: G, what'ryachewin', man; mom and pops are fixing up the guest bedroom just for us. Check out this massive doggie bed!

G: Dude, I don't think so; Mom's pulled you off there like 5 times already and she SO gave me the look when I did gender-check on the polar bear. Plus, they keep saying that 'Eva's coming' - whatever that means. There's something we're not getting here.

D: Fine, bud - you be all whiggy if that's what does it for you. But this plush rug? My very own chewy bear, and a canopy over my doggie bed?? THAT's what does it for me. Seeyabye. (To himself: I might even check out that dress while Mom's napping...)

G: I got the squirrel toy, I got the squirrel toy; betcha can't get me!

Actually - the orange looks a little brighter and yellower here than in real life, but you get the general idea. Decorative items still to get: curtains, beanbag, child's chair, orange lamp... still a bunch of stuff to hang too - but this is progress! Every new detail in place, she feels a little closer...

It's Not Too Late!

2008-02-01T16:43:00.001-06:00

Not too late to show up for LATTE's 9 to 4 conference and spa at FCC in Hudson tomorrow! Kim Jeffries will talk about identity in Christ AND you get a massage - I ask you: how much better does it get? Doors open at 8:30 am - hope to see you there!

12 No More

2008-01-31T17:18:00.001-06:00

I used to ice skate. I was okay - competed and stuff, but only until I was 12. I knew three jumps: the bunny hop, the waltz jump, and the half flip. Now, the half flip wasn't really a flip - but it was, like, half an axel or something (I think). You do a full rotation in the air after sticking your toe-pick in the ice and pulling yourself backward. I practiced endlessly; over and over, on land and ice - my body still has the motions memorized.

So today, I'm playing with the dogs outside in our yard - which is ice - hopping around to get warm. And it occurred to me that it might be fun to attempt a half-flip. The following things occurred:

1. Left hip snapped as right leg extended. (This, an unheeded warning).
2. Right ankle clicked and loosened as I pointed my toe.
3. Left knee groaned as it took on my full weight.
4. Left lower calf charlie-horsed as it struggled to propel me backward, spinning.
5. Head felt nauseous and dizzy as body turned sluggishly.
6. The force of gravity somehow increased exponentially since 1986.
7. Right knee crunched and femur threatened to snap upon landing.
8. I staggered, drunk-like, toward the garbage can, my tushi narrowly avoiding a nearby ice-bank.
9. Dogs looked at me with cocked heads, wondering at my loss of sanity.
10. Femur still hurts more than 1/2 hour later.
11. So does my neck.

According to my calculations, this is the only disadvantage of being almost 34, rather than 12.

It's Back!

2008-01-30T20:10:00.001-06:00

Finally, a great show not disrupted by the writer's strike. Sorry in advance to anyone attempting to call tomorrow night... :-)

Any other fans out there?

Superstitious

2008-01-29T11:03:00.001-06:00

I find it ironic that good ol' Webster's has the following definition of 'Superstition' when, in most Christian circles (and perhaps other faiths), the word 'superstition' raises some red flags.

Superstition:

"(1) Any belief that is inconsistent with known facts or rational thought, esp. such a belief in omens, the supernatural, etc. (2) Any action or practice based on such belief."

Though Webster's folly here is a subject for a different post, I share the views of C.S. Lewis, Madeleine l'Engle, Donald Miller, John Eldredge and other Christian art-lovers who recognize the place of imagination and myth in deepening our knowledge of His mysteries; their power in revealing Truth at heart (not just head)-level. God help us when, for Christians, fact, logic and intelligence become enemies of story and imagination, and begin to mutually exclude one another. What drab and hidden lamps we then become...

That said, my intended post for today has nothing to do with faith-building myth, but rather, plain old superstition. (A distinction Webster's apparently can't make). As I sift through childhood, forming mental piles of what to pass on and what to leave within, I'm remembering some favorite superstitions I actually believed at some point during childhood.

NOTE: Don't blame these on my parents; they might have been responsible for some of them, but I can't remember where others came from! :-)

Vampires: Whenever a low-lying fog hangs across the road, a vampire has recently passed by.

Tomtens: Tomtens are a Scandinavian tradition. Helpful and protective, they are secretive peacemakers between farm inhabitants and the wiles of wild woodland creatures beyond. Brilliant in capturing snow-bound rabbit footprints and turning them into a source of unending childhood wonder.

Bears:Bears live beneath sidewalks. Didn't you know? If you step on a crack, you'd better watch your ankles!

Eating Before Prayer: Forget to pray over your sandwich? Better stick close to the bathroom because you won't be feeling well very shortly. Food rots in your stomach if you don't pray over it first.

Santa: And last, but by no means least, Santa, of course! At Grandma's, we kids would rush downstairs to the basement at the prompting of shooshing parents and aunts and uncles... Soon, we could hear the jingle bells, the reindeer hooves, and Santa's black, heavy boots in the kitchen hallway. It was never a problem that Grandma didn't have a fireplace; he knew her well enough to just come on in the front door. When he left? ALL the gifts were beneath the tree... SO fun!

Which ones will we keep? Well, I'd say anything overly fear-based is probably on the outs. That leaves at least two bearded guys... maybe a stray bear or so if I can't resist. :-) I have to say though... even with the fear-based beliefs, there was little long-term injury with years of childhood magic. What superstitions did you buy into as a young child? Are there any you didn't pass on, and why?

Nesting

2008-01-28T17:54:00.001-06:00

Well, it's official... wondered if it would ever happen without pregnancy hormones and a rounded stomach. But it has. I'm nesting! And it's just too bad for everything else I'm responsible for because clean floors under the couch, bathroom cleaners out of reach, and a customized bedroom niche, perfectly suited for our daughter are now more important than work, food or even sleep! (Sleep?? Now THAT's important). We made more progress on the house this past weekend than in the past 3 months put together.

As we pour our hearts into preparing, it strikes me how natural and good it is to prepare for a child in our home, and has inspired thoughts about the root and true meaning of this:

"In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am..."

-Jn 14:2&3-

I've read this verse hundreds of times before, but have never 'gotten it' like I've started to this past week. I guess I've always focused more on the practicalities of His making a place for us... like He's doing it more out of duty:

A. He has to in order to keep His promise.
B. There has to be somewhere for us to go after life.
C. There will be lots of us, so it better be big, etc.

But, newer for me, are thoughts about how much love and care, thought, and JOY there must be in this nesting of nestings; the ultimate preparation. Maybe it's a little like our own human nesting, but on an even grander scale...because:

A. He loves us.
B. He's delighted just thinking about when we'll be together in that place.
C. His heart gets full designing unique surprises for each eternal home.
D. This is a priority for Him; important and satisfying work.
E. His 'prep work' is directly linked to His great desire to see our joy, and to enjoy us.

I have a feeling this is just the beginning of truths that will sink deeper as our perspective continues to shift these coming months. Sure it's probably stuff all you parents out there have already thought of and 'got' long ago... but I'm thankful, and hope to share more.

We get to see our first video of Eva tonight. Eva with sound and motion... what a gift!

Two Fer

2008-01-27T15:16:00.003-06:00

It's two-fer-one blog post day for V... Hey, look who's joined 'the story'! Welcome sweet friend - SO excited to be in touch via blog! For those who don't know, this is the dear friend who will be Eva's special auntie and caregiver a couple times a week when I return to work after leave... She and her family have a big piece of our hearts, have for many, many years, and... always will. Welcome, Storygirl!

Turkey, Turkey!

2008-01-27T12:03:00.001-06:00

Ever see one of these? My first encounter with a wild turkey was just like this picture. As a child, riding in the car on the way to church when dad slowed the car, and there was an inquisitive turkey face peering his head right into my window! I remember being surprised at how big it was and how curious it seemed...

Today, I saw more wild turkeys than I've ever seen at any one time. Went for a wonderful walk in a loop around a friend's 40 acre lot. The scenery, fields and forest awash in sunlight, was incredible - and made even more enjoyable by multiple sightings of groups of over 50 turkeys that would follow each other in a line (their movement is so interesting; like a graceful, quick and efficient waddle), then fly short distances over fences. So fun to watch.

Few better ways to start a day than crunching snow, sunshine, meaningful conversation and wild turkeys with dear girlfriends. Ahhh.... now for a nap... ;-)

Look Out, IKEA...

2008-01-26T09:10:00.000-06:00

Here I come! The momentous day has finally arrived: I surrender my IKEA virginity in search of creative and unusual kids room furniture. Sorry, girls, this time's with my husband; appropriate, don't you think? ;-) Wish us good hunting!

What's your favorite IKEA find?

Ow, Ow, Owie!!

2008-01-25T10:29:00.000-06:00

Got my first round of travel shots from dear friend and immunization nurse, 'groovy' yesterday... Ironic, isn't it? How, with shots, it's not really the needle that gets ya. A friend affectionately punched me in the shoulder last night; when I began to scream, "Ow, Ow, Owie!", she lovingly put her arm around me, resulting in a whole new wave of pain and shrieks. :-) Yes, you can laugh - it was amusing. And, I readily admit I'm being a whiner.

Enough of that though. Lots to do today and sore shoulders can't slow me down. At least I won't be getting any nasty lethal diseases once we hear it's time to travel...